I'm sitting in a corner of the Sage Hall atrium right now (the northeast, to be exact). To my right there stands a large poster of an alumna and her quote: "You leave the Johnson School with the idea that you're a leader. You become part of a network of alumni, students, faculty, and staff. That drive to excel is contagious."

Replace "the Johnson School" (Cornell's business school) with "Cornell University", and you've got how I feel about my time here at Cornell. I would hardly say that my sentiment is an umambiguous endorsement of Cornell and its infection. I feel quite ambivalent about having far more ambitions stimulated in me than is naturally present. I have grand dreams and frustrating desires to change the world now. I am set up for an ever greater fall. I suppose we shall see how well I fare under this artifical ambition at the end of my life, when I count my successes and failures, and judge whether my life was worth its living.

But tsch, I think too far in my future. I'm far from leaving even Cornell, yet - I've still more than a year to a go. You'll see more reflection on "my time at Cornell" yet.

Or maybe you won't, because I'm saying good-bye to Diaryland.

I've grown out of this online diary. Just look at the name: Scion of Erebus. That's hardly me anymore, now is it? I'm still cynical and pessimistic, but I've got a vision now, and ever more means to achieve that vision. I don't think about failure, although occasionally I consider the inevitability of failure, the impossibility of success. I don't let it stop me, though. Somehow, just trying is enough. As long as my attempt is the best possible attempt I can assay, failure will not discourage me.

I'm moving on and moving past. I've got no more time for open-ended self-reflection. Reflection must move from the internal to the external. Self-reflection has to be constrained in the context of workplace and career choice. Where do I belong in this world? What role do I want, which role can I perform? These are the questions that must be asked, and they are not to be answered here, in this medium.

goodbye for real - 2006-04-10

women not in engineering - 2005-12-27

another day turned sour - 2005-03-23

you just didn't know when it was coming - 2005-03-23

one free trip to washington, dc - 2005-03-22