So I haven't updated since Christmas Day last year. I blame lack of Internet over Break (or rather, intermittent and scarce Internet access which practically precluded such trivialities as updating Diaryland), the beginning of a new semester (although, really, what time is less busy? Exams haven't started yet and homeworks ... are easy), and finally - the final straw - the absence of my diary. Not having been regenerated yet. Either the link didn't exist or I was too blind to see it - but the one where it said "click to get in line"? Didn't click it for months.

Then the other day I had the brilliant idea of - rather than pretending Adrian didn't exist and struggling to do the phone thing (not gonna work with a time difference and various other factors unique to his situation) - we could just write really long journal entries. Not, ostensibly, to each other. Just a chronicle. Of events. Of thoughts. Of ... perhaps, even, feelings.

So I went back to Diaryland, and this time I actually saw that link. And clicked on it. Voilą, there it was. My diary. Regenerated. Ahh ... Like pressing a cold glass bottle against skin sweating in sweltering summer.

I'm going on Spring Break this Saturday. I'm going home. I'm going to do nothing. No high priority tasks. I'm not going to do any community service. Any snowboarding. Any grad school or potential employer vists. Adrian's going "home" too. It gets harder each time he leaves, even though he leaves for a shorter time each time. I couldn't stop crying this evening. ... It was strange. Not like me.

Anyway, I don't want to make this entry about him. (That would go against historical precedence.)

Cornell's really wearing me down. I'm experiencing doubt again. My grades are all right. My social life is small and not very dynamic. I'm still seeing an incredible number of movies.

A grind. I'm being ground through my days.

you just didn't know when it was coming - 2005-03-23

one free trip to washington, dc - 2005-03-22

sharing myself - 2005-03-20

dreaming down highways - 2005-03-20

when the day was bright and new - 2005-03-18