I wish I had gotten the opportunity to write this entry earlier, because I am really too tired to do it now. My head hurts something awful, and it is definitely past 1 am. But I feel compelled, lest I forget something, lest I break the habit before it is formed. I don't want things to slip away from me this Break, like they have during other breaks, because this one is longer and I'm more experienced and wary now. Well ... we'll see how things work out.

I had a lovely sleep last night, what with going to bed 3 before 11. I woke up quite naturally and - dare I say? - even gracefully this morning at the bright and chipper hour of 7. I commenced packing soon after. I decided to take my dirty laundry and my computer, simply because I could. I was riding down with only one other person, and I had precious else to bring - a couple of textbooks, three shirts (wholly unnecessary), a box of intimate apparel and feminine necessities. =P The more I do this bouncing from home to home, the less I have to bring with me each time. I just set up a permanent presence there. I no longer feel the need to have and use just set one set of materials, and so I just leave spare sets lying around everywhere. Theoretically, I could get by without packing anything at all. It wouldn't be as pleasant a stay, but I could definitely get by.

My roommate came in the midst of my packing (she had stayed out all night playing cards). I found myself much more talkative and social than I usually am with her. Usually when I see her, I've only just gotten up or am heading into bed. Or rushing through a meal or a swap of textbooks. I do talk a lot, I'm afraid. As soon as I feel comfortable in my environment, my garrulousness just lets itself be known. In any case, the unusual interaction with my roommate just made me aware of how not social I am with her usually. Not that I'm cold to her, by any means, but ... well, I could be more chatty. Perhaps the length and frequency of our conversations have decreased since fall semester. Now that I think of it, Adrian probably has everything to do with it, straining my time and compressing even further the amount of time I spend in my room. Eh ... it's not an overriding concern, just noteworthy.

The ride down was unusually uneventful. Neither construction nor accidents got in the way our trip. There were work zones, but inactive. There was an accident, but on an exit ramp. In fact, we made such good time (one rest stop, no meals), that we got back to NoVA in record time and my father was the one who was late because he got stuck in traffic. It was a very bad day for I-95. I waited in DC's home, spending the majority of my time on the phone with Adrian. Probably not entirely polite of me, but I was not finding it altogether easy to make small talk with DC's family. I'm bad at small talk in general (you're right, it's something I should learn), and the entire ride had been on the silent side. Whenever it wasn't, it was usually about sports. And I'm sorry, but I simply cannot contribute to a conversation about sports. So I spent a significant proportion of the time sleeping. I dozed off every half hour for about a half hour. =)

When my dad finally arrived to pick me up, I was quite pleased to see our new car (my dad had totalled our old car in an accident; incidentally on his way back from Cornell last time he dropped me off), though the exterior was no surprise. The interior was a pleasant surprise and I enjoyed the shininess of the look and the crispness of the feel. We went grocery shopping, me tagging along like a fairly useless limpet, despite the fact that I've been going grocery shopping nearly every week by myself whilst at college. I was also useless when my father was cooking, once again, despite my cooking several times a week when at school. I think there's something about regressing back into one's spatially-pinned role.

The first 10 seconds of my shower back in my father's home were glorious. The feeling was akin to something like what I experience when touch Adrian for the first time after a prolonged absence. That relieving, that ecstatic. I didn't bother unpacking more than just grabbing the couple of items I needed at the moment, but I hope to get seriously unpacked and straightened up (my closet! My father did things to my beautifully organized closet!) before too long. Certainly before Monday.

Dinner was nice, but oddly enough, this time because of the veggie dish rather than the live fish. I think because the fish was fried rather than steamed and the veggie one I had really grown to like, but could not, for various reasons, prepare back at Cornell. I ate much too much and felt like a bowling ball afterwards. But nevertheless, I got dressed into street clothes again to take a walk with my dad. I caved in and ended up wearing the sinfully cosy corduroys (I have avoided corduroys since they have been presented to me, but this pair ... !) I had obtained over Winter Break. And of course, none of the shirts I had brought matched this particular pair of pants, so I had to grab something from one of my out-of-circulation piles. Like I said, bringing shirts was wholly unnecessary. But I don't care. These pants feel so good ... mm, see me luxuriate. *purr*

The conversation during the walk touched on a host of topics ... the pieces of the RISE vs. co-op vs. internship are still flying around rather patternlessly, though. I'm going to try to impose some sort of weighting or introduce strong air currents to ge them to fall or collect into something coherent. You see, the main problem is my ambivalence. Nothing is strikingly one way or the other. I find making decisions in that kind of situation the most difficult. *laughs* It's like the college decision all over again.

We also stopped by the playground (designed and constructed quite poorly in my opinion; this neighbourhood is so ill-fitting for children) and swung on the swings. I enjoyed that very much, though I did feel a little nauseous at the end - probably a holdover from my motion sickness earlier today (which did not become very severe, since I slept so much, but still, the discomfort was there, and all the trolling around shopping centres did not help). In any case, I look forward to swinging more when I get the chance. It's one of the few activities on the playground in which grown-ups (not that I am one, but for the purposes of a playground I might as well be) can still participate and enjoy.

After the walk, my dad wanted to watch a Chinese movie with me, but I protested, claiming that it would tire me out way too much. So we ended up watching Meet Joe Black instead. A very slow movie, with lots of quotable lines (and lots of line swapping). I was certainly moved to tears at several points during the movie, but I can't say that I found it resonating very strongly with me or any other strong emotions. It reminded me of Tuesdays with Morrie, in its message about the importance and nature of love. I think, the closer I get to love, the less I care about what other people think of it. I had my ideas when I was younger, molded and shaped by what I read, but I have my experience now. Besides my belief in the irrelevance of love (or at least, a lack of necessity), love - the idea of it - has become much more personal, and thus, less and less having much of anything to do with what quotables other people throw out. I've developed many things during my time at Cornell, among which is the extremely strong sense of individual evaluation in certain aspects, e.g., what matters above all is whether or not you're comfortable with this decision.

The movie was also too perfect. The setting was the home and workplace of an extremely wealthy and successful man - everything was clean, everyone was beautiful. The bad guy became a villain who met his comeuppence and the ending saved the girl heartbreak in the best possible way. I don't feel like anybody learned anything, besides what a lowlife the bad guy was. *shrug*

My father doesn't want me to go to Shenandoah. Or Great Falls. Also, he wants me to take the train into Baltimore. In fact, he doesn't seem to be wanting me to drive much at all. >_< ARGH. I hate this sudden restriction of freedom whenever I'm back. It's even worse because I know how to drive and a car is available. Bleh. I'll work on him. If we go to Shenandoah tomorrow and I drive the entire time, maybe he'll regain his confidence in me. I can't believe I have to prove to him I can actually drive each time I come home, even though we took that gruelling road trip the summer before I entered Cornell (in which I did some serious driving, man) for the express purpose of proving to him such! I am so tired of going back over the same ground.

Women Not in Engineering - 2005-12-27

another day turned sour - 2005-03-23

you just didn't know when it was coming - 2005-03-23

one free trip to washington, dc - 2005-03-22

sharing myself - 2005-03-20